Preschool Learnings with Marauders
by Secret Lii
Summary: Funny new ways to learn the abc's and 123's with Sirius and James...if you love Maurauder fics, I hope you'll like this stuff! Excerpt E Evans, Evans, Evans
1. abc's oh the woes of james and lily!

**ABC's with James**

Another Poem

Bearing stories of woe

Concerning the troubles of James Potter (that's me)

Despair in my schemes

Evans, Evans, Evans

Fighting always to be the hotter (I am of course)

Great times with the Maurauders (my bestest friends!)

Happy memories of Detention

In and out of bounds we roam

Joy of quidditch

Kicking Snape's ass

Lily Evans inspired this poem

Making trouble

Never getting caught

Oh wait, I forgot today's detention (Oh well)

Peeves joins in our fun

Quills that self correct

Remus always tries to prevent this.

Snivelli Snivelus

Toiletpapered his desk once...

Unidentified Freak Obliviated (I wish)

Very perfect Remus

Wormtail likes cupcakes

X... Evans, I know you don't really hate me ;-)

Yeah, she really loves me, and she knows it, she's just playing hard to get

Zapping Slytherin's, catching Snitches, I think I've covered every letter of the alphabet! (Except, x was really hard)

Good job James! Now let's count to ten!

Read on...

Please Review! It's like a one-shot thing so I'm keeping them short- it's late now so I gotta sleep.


	2. 123's bffs James and Sirius, right?

**1-10 with James and Sirius**

Sirius-Okay, so here's how we'll do it... James, you take the odd numbers, and I'll take the evens.

James- Hey, I'm not the odd one! I'll do evens!

Sirius- Yeah right, you just want to do evens cause it sounds like Evans!

James-Not true!...well, ok...

Sirius- have it your way then ;-)

1- Me I'm the greatest, bestest, hottest, #1est person ever! Ha ha James, I'm so happy I got to do #1!

2- yeah, yeah, Sirius. But I got to do #2, which stands for me and you, best friends forever, right? ;-) It also stands for a twin pack of Pumpkin Pasties, and more importantly, me and Evans! Yay!

3- Okay, fine. But 3 is for the Maurauders. Oh wait, plus Wormtail...

4- Yeah, **_4_** is the Maurauders...and Lily's birthday is January 4...so 4 is always a good number.

5- (laughs) Okay Romeo, but 5 is my birthday, August 5!

6- I knew that. Six is the number of times I've asked Evans out today...no, 7, actually...

7- my lucky number! And the number of cupcakes Wormtail ate today.

8- haha, too true. 8 is the best number because Evans told me to go away 8 times today! She also called me an arrogant prick 8 times today...wait a minute! ...I have some thinking to do...

9- nine is the number of times I've been asked out today! It's also the number of pranks we've pulled this hour. And the number of fireworks we've set off this morning.

10- this number rox because...because I'm writing it. And because 10 is just such a great number and because...I know! Because I scrubbed 10 trophies off in the trophy room for detention yesterday! Stupid Filch...it was just a teeny weeny drop of water when I was trying to drown Snape in the hallway...

11- Oh yes, absolutely minuscule James. It flooded the whole corridor.

Please review! Thanks- I know it's short, but it's a one shot kinda thing.


	3. Do Re Mi

**A/N - If you like this, please check out and review some of my other fics, especially The Marauder's Guide to Love, Life, Lily Evans, and Everything in Between**

**Disclaimer- I don't own any of these, marvelous, magnificent, magical, marauders tee hee, in a poetic mood, but of course, you all already knew that. I'm just in love with J.K. Rowling and her marvelous, magnificent, magical world. That is all.

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**The Sound of Music: very poetic and cleverly rewritten song**

**By the Marauders Yes, Wormtail helped too!**

Font Key- **_Padfoot_**

_Prongs_

Moony

**Wormtail

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**

**Doe-** **Nut. Tee hee. (A/N– I hope someone got that!)I didn't finish Flitwick's charms assignment! Do'h!**

**Ray-** **_The girls here at Hogwarts (especially the pretty ones!) absolutely adore me, though sometimes I blind and intimidate them with my rays of hotness!_**

_You mean your rays of body odor?_

**Me-**Me, me, me! That's all I ever hear out of the mouths of my two arrogant, immature friends, Prongs and Padfoot (well, Wormtail can be immature too, but he's mainly raving about James, or some new flavor of cupcake icing...). Actually, out of James these days, all I hear is "Evans"! Green Eyed Evans. Lilykins. Beautiful Evans. She's a great, smart, nice, girl and all, but you'd think she were a queen or something the way James fancies her.

_Uh, Moony?_

Eh, James?

_You forgot Lily Blossom._

**Far- _Far? The day Lily asks James out!_**

**Not that far! I can see it now...very _near_by!**

_**Oh yes...right here in my tea leaves...a beautiful girl seeking seeker (pun...) with messy hair and glasses...they have a romantic date in detention that night, Sir Filch waits on them while Mistress Norris gently serenades them in the backround. Suddenly Lily reaches forward for the kiss-**_

**My happily ever after! **

**Sew-** _(So)_ _what if I got detention thrice (a word?) today? I'm a seeker! I rule!_

_**Psh-ya, like a girl seeker.**_

_O.K., shut it._

**La- La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la! (I've always secretly wanted to be an opera singer, but I don't think that's what my mummy had planned for me. She wanted me to be an Auror, I think.**

**_Yeah, O.K., like _that_'ll ever happen!_**

**Hey, don't doubt me, it could if I wanna!**

That's the spirit Peter! Chase after your dreams! Pursue your goals! And dont't worry about what critics say. There will always be critics.

_**Thank you, Master Loony Moony**_

Padfoot, don't you remember out little chat about bullying others?

**Tea- A drink with James and Remuuus!**

_**Hey, what about me?**_

**You bullied me :-( **

**Doe- That will bring us back to ho, ho, ho, merry Christmas! (I like fruitcakes. I _love _fruitcakes)

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**A/N - please review even if it was bad, sorry if it was, but im up late doing hw, Im writing another story for my school newspaper, im sick, and I gotta sleep soon, but it'll get better, I hope.**

**Evans out.**


	4. Top ten by Lily and James

**TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT SEVERUS SNIVELI SNAPE!**

(The revised version)

1) Remind him that he'll never get to date Lily Evans if he doesn't take showers.

A) because we find it hilarious that his reaction is turning beet red and swearing.

and B) because we love James' reaction as well( immediately hexing Snape into a water beetle or some other form of insect)

2) Call him _Snivellus_, our special name for him, especially in front of his friends **_(The greasy git's got friends? -Padfoot)_**

3) Knock him out with a sleeping potion, and then, give him a makeover, and _then_, dress him in a nightgown, **but wait,** and**_ then_** you stuff cupcake in his mouth, and tie him to a toilet in the girls bathroom! Brilliant!

_**(Good one, Wormtail. Padfoot and Prongs)**_

4) "_You guys are really immatur–_" **_"Stop it Lily! We're having fun!"_**

5) Tell him that greasy noses went out of style around the same time that greasy hair did.

6) The git's so obssessed with Slytherin and purebloods, that he needs reminding once in a while of the half blood he is. Do exactly that.

7) "Snape's got a girlfriend, Snape's got a girlfriend!"

"What? I do not, you filthy...you filthy... you filthy people!

"Only joking, Sniv. We know you'd never become semi- presentable without telling us!"

8) Have some holiday spirit, and dress up and Snape for Halloween! Yes, limp black wigs, greasy faces, no friends in sight (except for gits), the works! He loves that sort of fun.

9) AVADA KEDAVRA! (...yeah, we wish...)

10) Hang im' upside down from the Quidditch goal posts.( Levicorpus, anyone?)

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"James!" Lily groaned disdainfully. "Why do you waste your time writing up nasty things like this?"

"A waste? Don't you worry, Lilykins, this will definitly not be put to waste!" said James with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

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Next week...

"How the bloody hell did I get here!" yelled Sniv- I mean Severus Snape from a-toilet seat (!#?) in front of a crowd of laughing girls.

Except it sounded more like "Ho da body hew duh uh guh huh!" due to the fact that there was a...rainbow sprinkled cupcake in his mouth? (Wormtail, you're so creative.)

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Next week...

**TOP TEN WAYS TO TORTURE AND TORMENT JAMES ARROGANT POTTER**

(The Permanent version)

1) "I will not go out with you."

2) My new boyfriend.

3) James, I just don't like the windblown look.

4) Go out with any boy who's a member of a Quidditch team other than Gryffindor's.

5)Go out with any boy, other than him, at all!

6)"Did I mention he's the new Slytherin seeker?" James turns beet red, steam comes out of his ears "No, apparently I haven't."

7)Go out with Sirius Black! (And he's not bad looking, you know, once you can get past his enormous ego.)

8) Or on a lower level, go out with Peter (Ew! Not in a million bazillion years, ever!)

9) "What part of 'NO! NEVER! NOT IN A MILLION LIGHTYEARS!' don't you get?"

10) Kill myself (Quite gruesome, but sadly enough, I think James would be more upset than me or anyone else, if I were ever gone.)

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"Oh very good Lilykins. An absolute riot. A writer in the making, now, are you?" said James sarcastically.

"I knew you'd like it." Lily grinned.

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Next week...

"James, meet Johnny!"

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

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Dear Diary,

as I read Lily's list, I realized something. I really wouldmiss herthe most if she ever died.

-James

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Please Review, good or bad. Hope you loved it. 


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